Two weeks before I started my Freshman year of high school, I awoke from a summery slumber to my dog’s incessant barking. I knew something was wrong, because she is not known to cause such a ruckus. So, I got out of bed and walked over to the top of the stairs to see what her barking was all about. To my absolute astonishment, I saw billowing smoke and gigantic flames. My house was on fire, and I was home alone and on the second floor. I swear I saw my life flash before my eyes when I realized that I may not make it out alive. I grabbed sweet Penny (our mini longhair dachshund), headed down the stairs and around to the back of the house with the seeping flames mere inches away from us. We made it out. I stood in the driveway in utter shock, unsure of what to do. Luckily, our neighbor across the street ran out and called me over to safety in their front yard. I stood there, while holding Penny, watching our house burn to the ground. Within a few minutes, my mom and brother arrived home from a doctor appointment. It took us a few moments before we could get my mom’s attention to let her know that I was safe across the way. I can’t fathom the fear in her heart at that moment. After learning the news, my dad  immediately raced home from work. I will never know how much his heart sank that day.

This was the start of a long road for us. A new reality. A forming moment in all of our lives. I cannot begin to fathom what my parents were thinking at that point since I was only a fourteen year old at the time. However, I can fully attest to how I navigated through this trauma with much hope and focus.

We will all go through difficult times in life and each one of our situations will be different. Being a teenager can be tough sometimes, but there are ways of not only coping, but thriving through these challenging moments.

If you (or someone you know) are experiencing a hard time in life right now, the following three points below can help you to navigate through it. They can help you through wherever you are in the process of coping, healing and ultimately growing.

1. Focus on the Positive

No matter what obstacles you are facing, there is always, always, always something positive that you can focus on. This may seem difficult at first, especially when it feels like your world is crumbling around you. However, it is possible! Go back to the basics! Focusing on the positive, leads to gratitude. Gratitude cheers up the heart and sheds a new positive light on your situation. Think about the simple things such as sun shining, the roof over your head, or the good people that surround you.

During that traumatic experience, I was grateful to be alive after the fire and with my entire family. Yes, I lost my home and personal belongings, but I still had what was most important in my life!

If your heart is still feeling too heavy from your situation, and you cannot find anything positive, turn to the Lord. You have Him and His hope, mercy and redeeming love that He never ceases to provides. Allow your heart to rest in that. “Persevere in prayer, watching in it with thanksgiving.” Colossians 4:2

2. Stay focused on a Goal for the Future

As you begin healing from your experience, you must keep moving forward. Set an ambitious and positive yet attainable goal for yourself. Throughout your journey, you’ll gain a sense of accomplishment, confidence, and purpose by continually pushing onward in a positive direction lead by something you’re working towards.

As the effects of my trauma trickled into many areas of my life, throughout most of my high school years as a teen, I focused on attaining good grades so that I could get into a great college. This positive life goal encouraged me to avoid the temptations of anything and anyone that would hinder my success. In fact, it gave me the extra push to persevere through the times when I felt that giving up would have been easier.

3. Allow Yourself to Grow

These trying experiences offer abundant opportunities for us to grow! When you lean into your faith and rely on the Lord through it all, you are bound to grow. It is normal to go through the motions when you experience a hard moment in your life, but you must keep moving forward. When we apply all that we have learned from these moments to our life journey, we begin to grow.

Take what you’ve experienced and apply it to your life positively. When your friends or neighbors are going through a rough time, approach them in a way that is tender and empathetic. Help those in need with a heart that understands what they are going through. Use this opportunity to better focus on where God is calling you in this life.  When we turn the bad into good and make the best of a situation, our lives will begin to have a deeper meaning. We begin to see where our vocation lies. If you are not at that point yet, know that you will be.

“So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in Him, rooted and built up in Him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.” Colossians 2:6-7

Nicole Schradieck is a 27 year old designer, blogger and most happily — wife. She lives in a tiny little town in rural New Hampshire with her husband and rescue pup, Conway. Happiest at home and a true old soul, she loves interior decorating, spending time with family and a night in playing cards and listening to music on vinyl. Follow along with Nicole’s everyday via her blog at www.thecommondayblog.com and on Instagram @nicolelynnschradieck.

Our little family of three has three rules.

THE FIRST RULE is to love God and one another.

THE SECOND RULE is to always speak kindly of others and never gossip.

THE THIRD RULE is to never make a decision based out of fear. Each day we strive to uphold these family guidelines, and when we do, there is such peace within our home.

The third family rule– to never make a decision based out of fear – has been on the forefront these past few months. For the past few weeks, so many situations occurred in our life that could merit a sense of fear in us.

The antidote for fear is TRUST. 

We truly have had to reflect upon the inner battle between fear and trust in our hearts. We wanted to share some of our thoughts on a life of fearlessness with you.

In reflecting upon our lives, we realized that there has never been a time where God has failed us.

God has always, and I mean ALWAYS, been there for us in every situation. That does not mean that we are exempt from pain, hardships, and difficulties. It means that through all the joys, struggles, anxieties, worries, bliss, and happy moments – God has been at the center. He is always there, He has never left us, and He never will leave us. That fidelity deserves trust.

Saint Thérèse of Lisieux said, “Trust and trust alone should lead us to love.” What a beautiful truth!

This reality leads to another one, namely that, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.” (1 John 4:18). Trust leads to love, and love leads to fearlessness.

What are your greatest fears?

Why do we fear? How many decisions a day are we tempted to make out of fear?

A few months ago, my husband and I spent time reflecting on these questions together. After this conversation and prayer, we promised God and one another we would do our best not to make a decision out of fear.

Instead of fearing the world, fearing people and what they think of us, and fearing loss, we chose to live life fully! We chose to trust in God, we chose to love, we chose to live fearlessly. The joy we have because of this decision is incredible.

FEARLESSNESS BRINGS FREEDOM.

We are not bound to the world, to what people think, to what people say about us, or to material goods. When fearful feelings arise within us, we help each other turn to the Lord in trust. Fear is a reality, but God’s goodness and mercy is greater.

When you are afraid, turn to Him. Turn to your Father in heaven who created you. Who knows you, who formed you, who breathed the breath of life within you. He wants you to live a life of freedom, of joy, of abundance. Trust in Him.

“For I am sure that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39).

Claire Couche is a wife and mother who lives in Buffalo, New York. She graduated from Franciscan University of Steubenville where she studied history and theology. She later received her B.S.N. and worked as an oncology nurse on a bone marrow transplant unit before becoming a stay at home mother. Claire enjoys traveling, cooking, calligraphy, hiking, and attending the symphony. For more writings from Claire and her husband Michael, visit their website, www.findingphilothea.com. 

During my nine years teaching high school theology, I did my best to communicate to my students the beauty, goodness, and truth of the Catholic faith. My top priority was creating an atmosphere where my students could encounter Christ, but I also wanted them to leave at the end of the semester knowing that it is reasonable to be Catholic. 

Why did I emphasize the reasonability of faith to such an extent? Because many of my students came to my class with doubts, questions, and a skeptical attitude toward belief in God in general and Catholicism in particular. This isn’t surprising, considering the popularity of the new atheism presented to young people in the media, and the poor quality of catechesis and evangelization in many families, parishes, and Catholic schools.

Often, when my students would express these doubts to their parents, I received panicked emails from mom or dad saying something like, “Help! My son/daughter is losing their faith and I don’t know what to do!” 

Today, I want to share with you what I told those parents, in case you are concerned about your teenager’s doubts or outright rejection of the faith. These are not formulas for getting your child back “on the right track”; they are proposals for how to engage your child in a fruitful and ongoing conversation, just as Jesus did with those He encountered, so that you can show them faith and doubt are not incompatible.

DON’T PANIC. 

If your son or daughter comes to you with his or her doubts about the faith, it’s best not to react as if it were the end of the world. In fact, it’s quite normal for teenagers to have doubts, and it’s a good thing that they are asking questions.

It does not mean that they are “losing their faith”, necessarily, but that they are going through an important developmental stage: deciding what they believe about life’s ultimate questions.  When your child was little, they probably believed whatever it was you or their teachers taught them, simply based on authority, which was appropriate and important for them at that age.

Now that they are teenagers, it’s natural and good for them to work on making their faith their own. 

If you panic when your teenager shares their doubts with you, they might feel as though it were somehow sinful to ask any questions about their faith.

I encountered this misconception time and time again during my years of teaching. My students with doubts sometimes confided in me that they thought God was angry at them or that they would go to hell for not having enough faith. I would always reassure them that doubts are a part of any thinking person’s faith journey, and that even the greatest Saints struggled with doubt from time to time. 

LISTEN. 

Although it’s tempting to launch into a lesson in apologetics or a lecture on why it’s important to have faith, that is not what your child needs.

What they need is for you to ask good questions and listen to their answers. Ask them how long they’ve had these doubts. Ask them if they’ve already sought answers, and if so, what the results have been. Ask them what you can do to help them. And then let them talk for as long as they need to and say anything they need to say, even if it makes you uncomfortable.

The more open and non-judgmental you are, the more likely they are to keep talking–and listening–to you. 

EDUCATE YOURSELF. 

Adolescents are not satisfied with incomplete answers. It’s not enough to tell them to believe something because the Church teaches it, or because “the Bible says so.” They want to know the reasons why and won’t be satisfied with anything less. 

In our current cultural climate, science is often pitted against religion, so your child may come to you with questions about the compatibility between certain Catholic teachings and scientific discoveries. They will probably also have lots of concerns and questions about the Church’s teachings on gender, sexuality, marriage, and the sanctity of human life. 

You don’t have to have a degree in Catholic theology to answer most of your teenager’s questions about the faith; if that were the case, the Church would have died out a long time ago. As a Catholic parent, you are your child’s primary educator, especially when it comes to faith, so you do need to know the basic content of the Church’s teachings.

If you feel daunted by the prospect of having to answer your child’s questions, or have already struggled to do so, never fear!  If you don’t know the answer to your child’s question, find someone who does.

It will make a huge difference to your child if they see that you’re taking your education in the faith seriously as well as theirs. I would also recommend proposing that you and your child explore these questions together, because chances are that their questions are also your questions. This approach not only strengthens your parent-child relationship, it also shows them that even adult Catholics still need to grow in their faith. 

Where should you look for information? Thanks to the wonders of the internet, there are so many resources at your fingertips: lay evangelists, priests, bishops, and professors who can answer your questions and give you the information you need to help your curious teen.

PRAY.

Praying for your child is both the least and the most that you can do for them, especially when they are in the midst of teenage doubt, confusion, and rebellion. Pray for their spiritual, moral, and intellectual growth. Pray for protection from the evil one. Pray for (and seek out) godly Catholic mentors for your son or daughter. Pray for solid friends who will support and encourage your child in their faith.  

Pray that they would have encounter with the person of Jesus Christ, because it is only in that encounter that living faith is born.  

At the end of the day, the most important thing you can do for your teen’s faith life is to be a credible witness: show them what it looks like to be a joyful, imperfect Catholic who is seeking the truth. In nine years of teaching high school kids, I have learned that it is the parents’ witness that has the longest lasting impact on kids’ faith as they leave high school, enter college, and eventually become adults.

Christina Dehan Jaloway is a blogger, Catholic Texan and high school theology teacher with a passion for the True, Good, and Beautiful. She is also the Associate Editor at Spoken Bride, a Catholic wedding website for brides and newlyweds.As a wife and mother, Christina hopes to be a source of encouragement, hope, and healing for others. Visit her blog at www.theevangelista.com. 

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart

and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like

books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers,

which cannot be given to you because you would not be able to live them.

And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now.”

Rainer Maria Rilke

Patience is not a virtue of the modern world.

As creatures of our time and society, we like to know and we like to do. Man’s quest for answers and desire to act are rooted in his call to become familiar with truth and live in accordance with it. And yet, there remains so much we do not and cannot possibly know about the world, about others, about the meaning of our own lives and what the future will bring.

At times we might feel that so much in our lives is unsure, so much unsolved in our hearts. As moderns, we are sometimes tempted to think of mystery and truth as opposites. As Christians, we sometimes need to be reminded that they are deeply and inexplicably intertwined.

Because we believe the Truth is ultimately a person—Christ the Lord—and because we experience all things through the mysterious medium of time, our knowledge will always be veiled to some degree. It will always include an aspect of mystery, of not knowing.

The beauty of veiled knowledge.

To prove the beauty and goodness of this veiled knowledge, one of my favorite graduate school professors used the image of a woman’s leap of faith when she vows herself to her husband—an analogy that has become particularly meaningful to me as I prepare for my own wedding. In making the decision to marry my fiancé, as well as I know him and as confident I am in my love for him and his for me, I of course cannot possibly know exactly how our life together will unfold.

This time of preparation is full of unknowns: where we will live and work, what our family life will look like, what we will learn about each other along the way. For anyone, engaged or not, these pertinent questions about the future, whose answers lie beyond our reach, can cause worry and distress. 

When I marry, my vow will be a leap of faith as much as an act of love.

It won’t be a blind leap, but a veiled one: I know and yet the full picture remains hidden by time and by the fact that I am marrying a person who is free and irreducible to a set of exhaustively known facts. By means of the vow, I will give my entire self, including the unpredictable future.

This aspect of faith in the goodness of my fiancé and of God’s providence is in fact what proves my love all the more: it is precisely because I do not see the future, do not know everything that will happen, that my vow will be a beautiful and meaningful act, luminous amidst the darkness of all the unknowns.

Not knowing grants me the chance to embrace the mystery, to live the questions now.

Rilke’s point (if I may venture to say so), and mine as well, is that the deepest and most existentially significant questions we have about our lives, our purpose, our future—the very same ones that can so often cause stress, fear, and anxiety—do not indicate a mere lack that needs to be remedied with answers.

All of our questions—all of the locked rooms and yet untranslated books in our lives—give us the “space,” so to speak, to prove our faith and trust and to therefore live in love. 

We can look here, as we so often must, to the fiat of our Lady, who without knowing how this could be so, yet perfectly trusted God—not out of ignorance, but out of a certainty of His Goodness that perfectly expressed her love and brought about within her a most intimate knowledge of the Truth, who became her Son.

Bethany Wall  received her Master’s degree in May 2016 from the Pontifical John Paul II Institute in Washington, D.C. where she now lives and works.

All this pain, I wonder if I’ll ever find my way, I wonder if my life could really change at all

It was June of 2016 when my son Jacob was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. This pinnacle moment would change the course of our family’s lives forever. Shortly after he was diagnosed, I took a month to process.  My whole life had just changed with 6 words —Your son has Autism Spectrum Disorder. I felt weird, strange, and isolated. I withdrew from play dates and social gatherings the rest of that summer. I grappled with feeling alone and not knowing where to turn.

Could all that is lost ever be found? Could a garden come out from this ground, at all?

At the end of August on a hot and muggy night, an idea hit me while driving home in my minivan from Target — to create an online campaign showing how individuals with special needs were just like their peers. My mourning had been morphed into positive action. There was no reason to feel bad about Jacob. He certainly didn’t feel bad, so why should I? Jacob is just the way he should be! God made Jacob perfect!

You make beautiful things out of the dust 

My feelings of sadness came from my vision of how I thought things should be. This stemmed from the life I selfishly wanted; I didn’t trust that God had something so much more in store for our family!

You make beautiful things out of us 

I began my global campaign, Project: Just Like You,  to raise awareness and show how all people are the same. I was both excited and nervous. What if it didn’t catch on? Would people want to feature their child? Would I be able to fill daily stories?

All around hope is springing up from this old ground. Out of chaos, life is being found in you.

Parents quickly got on board! I found myself talking to various local groups. Month after month, new interviews took place in the media sharing my mission. Parents strongly affirmed that their child, who once suffered from being bullied or ridiculed, felt good about themselves once they saw themselves featured on our social media campaign. Some parents would write telling me they had tears in their eyes.

This campaign created a wave of hope! I found my calling and life mission in advocacy work!

I quickly took on writing, speaking, and starting a non-profit. I went on to have exclusive interviews with prominent figures in the special needs community and work with very large organizations, serving on the Young Professional Board for the Special Olympics of Virginia, and being accepted into Virginia’s Partner in Policy Making, which after completion will grant the opportunity to lobby in Washington for laws pertaining to the Special Needs community.

You are making me new

God pulled me out of my comfort zone with Jacob and set me on a path to help thousands of lives and give hope, with a very simple, yet profound message — please see my child as anyone else — see them as a human. Please treat them with dignity. Recognize they like the same activities as your child. Because when you see someone as a person, you strip away fear, prejudice, and stigmas. You are left with a soul, a perfect creation, and that is where friendship takes place.

There is beauty in all of God’s creation.

God takes our pain and suffering and replaces it with growth and strength. I had to experience this to grow as a person, as a mom, and as a woman. We must accept that in our place of humility, we grow closer to Christ. It is in the unknown and darkest moments, that the most abundance of life springs forth. Because He does indeed make beautiful things out of our mess and everything works for the greater good.

And as for Jacob, he wakes up every morning with a smile and lives each day with enthusiasm. He teaches me so much more about life than I ever could teach him, and I thank God every day for making him perfect just the way he is. 

Lyrics to “Beautiful Things” by Gungor

Molly Korte is a wife and mother of 3. As an advocate for the special needs community, she wants to help make this world an inclusive and compassionate place. Read more about the amazing people she highlights at projectjustlikeyou.org

From the start, my husband and I agreed that we wanted a large family, a family where God and each other come first. We both also hold the vocation to marriage and family life as one of great dignity and feel blessed that God would call us to one another and to this path.

Matrimony and our children are truly our greatest blessing. 

Being a parent is a paradoxical situation. One finds oneself living a Divine vocation (in the truest sense of the Latin vocare, to call), yet the vocation’s very demanding nature makes it more difficult to meet God in the ways previously available. For many of us, no more is the era of daily Mass, or mid-day holy hours, or the ever present opportunity for sacramental Confession.

In the most difficult moments, the call can even seem something like this, “Come follow me, but from now on I’ll only be able to hang out for about an hour on Sunday. And, oh, yeah, don’t forget to bring your restless, writhing, crying children with you.” Maybe this is an exaggeration. Maybe. But I know that I’m not the only parent out there who feels a shortage of alone time, a shortage of peace, of quiet, a shortage of energy, be it physical or emotional, at the end of a long day.

So how are we to live this vocation, and live it well?

I think first we must realize that one’s spiritual life will change, specifically the manner of prayer and the forms of sacrifice. But this isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

If prayer is speaking with God, then daily life becomes the prayer.

He called and you answered, and each day lived in one’s vocation is a continuation, an expansion of that conversation. Daily life becomes the sacrifice, the mortification, and a much more complete one than a voluntary fast could ever be. Why more complete? Because it is full of particular sacrifices asked at a moment’s notice; sacrifices not correspondent to any feeling,  but one from outside, requests for acquiescence in the ongoing conversation that is one’s vocation.

These prayers and mortifications are all night vigils with feverish children, weeks upon weeks of morning sickness, meeting a spouse where they are rather than insisting on being “right.” They are the desperate cries of the heart to be a better parent and spouse as one routinely faces his or her own imperfections. These prayers and mortifications are too numerous and too varied to list, and that’s part of the point.

This vocation is often an uncomfortable one, but these struggles are our opportunity to follow Him. And it’s in these struggles that Christ hastens to meet us with His grace, His mercy, and His strength.

So take heart.

The spiritual life of parents will look different, but Christ is still there.

To stay focused on this truth, and to remember that yours is a Divine call (despite the nitty gritty), it helps to have a simple prayer routine in place. For example, start the day with a morning offering and a read through of the day’s Mass readings. End the day with a few minutes of quiet and prayer, maybe an examination of conscience and a decade of the Rosary.

Don’t get discouraged that Sunday Mass can be difficult with little ones, just do your best to remain recollected and give it to the Lord. And finally, make monthly confession a priority. We all need a fresh start, and sooner is usually better than later!

Mary Boctor is a Catholic wife and mother to her four children. She is a graduate of Franciscan University of Steubenville, and works as a personal stylist, blogger, and freelance writer.

To hear more from Mary, check out her blog.

The recent Netflix show, 13 Reasons Why, is a viral phenomenon among teenagers. Many parents are unsure of how to approach the series or, after watching it, feel confused about what the “next step” should be. I do not recommend that parents promote the show to their children, but some may find that their kids have already watched it.

The show contains many potential triggers for those who have endured trauma and is hard for a well- adjusted adult to watch. The series just got picked up for a second season. Since many teenagers are watching this, parents may want to do so too (if they can handle it) or at least educate themselves on the issues. 

I offer the following suggestions to parents as a way of learning from the series. 

1. The themes.

The book and the Netflix series based upon 13 Reasons Why touches on themes commonly experienced in today’s teenage world: cyber bullying, self harm, sexual assault, drug use, underaged drinking, depression, and loneliness. The topics are approached from the experience and perspective of high school students. The Netflix series presents everything in a very intense way, with traumatic and painful events taking place in every episode.

Some of the episodes may be a trigger for those who have endured traumatic events, so be careful. In spite of this, I believe that the show presents a valid insight into the dynamics at work in the world of our young people, although not every young person experiences all of these aspects in such abundance. 

2. Every teenager needs adults who listen to them.

Something which deeply saddened me during the episodes of this series is that Hannah, and pretty much every main character, lacked a trusted, listening adult in which to confide. Her parents were physically present, but emotionally absent, distracted by the financial strain of trying to run a small business. A number of conversations take place in a disjointed, half-attention kind of way, and we watch Hannah turn more and more inward as her efforts to connect fall short.

As adults, it can be hard to listen to young people and not immediately offer advice or “solutions”, but what our young people need most is adults who listen to them, share in their story, and learn how to give advice in a way that is helpful, not shaming or overwhelming. It’s a skill we can all improve. 

3. Sometimes when kids shove us away, they are really trying to pull us closer.

In working with teenagers, I have seen that sometimes the young people really want to see us put forth the effort to get close to them, to come to know their story, or to find out what is bothering them. They can seem like they are shoving us away, but really they are crying out for help. The characters Hannah and Clay are often seen shoving their parents away, yet desperately trying to connect with them, at the same time. Food for thought. 

4. Parents are parents; children are children.

As a character, Justin demonstrates the devastating effect of not having a parent be a true parent. This mother ends up abandoning him for her addiction and boyfriend and he becomes homeless, turning towards his own addictions and dangerous friends for comfort. Young people need their parents to be the adults, to set boundaries, to demonstrate healthy relationships, and be available to guide and support them through difficulties.

There is nothing wrong with being friendly with our children, but we are not their peers or their friends. They can find friends; they cannot get themselves new parents. If we find that we need healing in some way, investing in our own holistic health is an investment in our children’s present and future, as well, for they learn from us what it means to be an adult. 

5. Hug your kids & trust your gut.

Hug them when they come home from school, wait up for them and hug them when they come home from parties. This can serve two purposes: reassuring your child of your physical affection for them, but also allowing you to check them over to see if they are ok (looking for injuries, unusual smells, signs of drug or alcohol use). No one knows your child better than you do; if you feel like something is wrong, don’t ignore that. Don’t let them just run upstairs without establishing contact with you.

Clay, in the show, always tried to avoid contact when he was dealing with something, but his parents tried to stay on top of him. Make it a habit now so that it’s the norm later, in the event of any concerns. Your children will probably complain about it, but deep down the stability of their parents presence will bring them comfort in a very unstable world.

6. Teach your kids about healthy boundaries.

Young people, especially our girls, need to know that it’s perfectly acceptable to say “no”, to leave a party, and to turn down an invitation to do something if they feel like it’s not safe. Young people should feel empowered to stand by their beliefs. So often, in 13 Reasons Why, the characters felt something was wrong, but they did not have the courage to speak up. Make a distinction between supporting someone through a hard time and enabling unhealthy behaviors.

Help your children to walk through decisions they are making about activities they are taking part in. If your children are going to a party, what would be areas of a house they would want to avoid being alone in? What kinds of things would they want to avoid eating or drinking? How do they learn to trust their intuition? What are some safe habits to form? We have to be realistic about the situations they may end up in, but having the conversations helps them know what to do if they do end up in those hard situations. If they have watched 13 Reasons Why, it can be a doorway to those encounters with them.

7. Develop a no-questions asked exit plan.

Like the main characters, most of us have ended up in situations we did not foresee or did not think would happen and needed a quick, safe exit. Sometimes those situations have been embarrassing, difficult, or scary. Develop an exit plan with your children so that if they find themselves in that kind of situation, they know they can call upon you without being guilted or shamed.

Conversations about the situation can happen later, but they should feel confident that they can turn to their parents/guardians at any time. Whether it’s texting a code word or symbol and getting a response back that you are coming to pick them up immediately (so they can show their friends they have to leave) or some other strategy, plan one, and hopefully you will never need to use it. 

8. Know the resources available.

Do some research into the resources available to parents and young people in your area when it comes to dealing with anxiety, depression, stress, addictions, eating disorders and so on. The school counselor is usually aware of what’s available can can point out low cost or sliding scale support, if needed. Support groups and workshops can be helpful when dealing with challenging situations. There are resources out there; learn about them for your own children and share them with your friends. 

9. Know your children’s friends.

Make your home a welcoming place for your child and their friends. Clay rarely brought anyone home. When Tony would appear, Clay wanted to hide things from his parents, but his parents would invite Tony to dinner and get to know him. Get to know your children’s friends and their families. You should be able to name them and know where they live.

Most teenagers end up spending more time with their friends at school and in extracurricular activities than they do with their families at home. It’s important to know the personalities and values they are surrounded by during those hours away from home. It requires extra work, being more involved, perhaps even volunteering to coach a sport, but our young people are worth it, aren’t they?

10. Embrace a religious tradition.

One theme entirely missing from 13 Reasons Why, aside from Tony briefly mentioning that he is Catholic, is the aspect of religious practice and faith. In Christianity, we are taught that God can bring good out of any situation, there is always hope, and suffering can be redemptive. None of the characters, such as Hannah, had any kind of faith foundation to give them a sense of connection, meaning of life, or faith community to turn to outside of their high school community.

Young people who practice a religious tradition are more resilient. Children learn and imitate the religious beliefs and traditions of their parents and grandparents. The heaviness and darkness felt in the 13 Reasons Why episodes often left me commenting to myself that although I know all of the issues (see #1) present in the show are real and a part of high school life, it felt especially dark and heavy because of the absence of hope.

Hope is born of a belief in something greater, but without that something greater, there is no hope. I finished the series convinced of how important faith is for teenagers struggling with such incredibly painful challenges, while reflecting on how faith has helped me through many difficulties I could not have coped with on my own. 

Sister Brittany – “Sister B” is a Salesian Sister of St. John Bosco who originally hails from the Chicago area. She is currently the Campus Minister at Mary Help of Christians Academy in North Haledon, NJ, an all girls college preparatory high school. (www.maryhelp.org) Sister B enjoys writing, movies, cooking, and Grumpy Cat. She finds hope in the beautiful faith and courage of young people, and treasures her vocation as a Salesian Sister that enables her to encounter it everyday. 

For more resources visit the National Association of School Psychologists .